How to Stand Out when others can barely Stand Up.
Hear the Whisper
Today I’m journaling and I can’t seem to get this one particular quote out of my head. It just keeps rattling around in there.
“Paper is more patient than people” — Anne Frank
It showed up about three days ago and its been a recurring thought now each morning as I sit down to begin writing. I’m not even sure when and where I first heard the quote. But here it is now. 📍
Its a huge life lesson, there is no doubt. It’s resonated true in my own life over and over. Like many things, I learned it the hard way early and slipped back from it a few times along the way as well. 😬🙄
Why it’s on my mind so much right now, I have no idea. 🤷♂️
It could be this is for you today, and so I need to get this written and get it out! 📬⏩
It could be that this is brewing up inside me because I’m going to need it soon, thus I need to get this written and work it out! 😊🏋️♀️✍️
In either case it’s a whisper. 💬
One thing I’ve been learning over the last couple of years is to pay much more attention, and listen much more carefully, when a whisp begins to brew inside.
When I sense that stir, I’m learning the best of life usually comes when I can simply get myself to be still, tune-in, and calm the noise. Then listen and hear.
If you’re anything like me that sounds great! But it’s not so easy.
If you’re like me you’re trying to drive hard, reach further, hit goals, juggle balls, develop ideas — you’re listening, you’re talking, you’re reading, you’re engaging and doing.
For far too long it was far too easy for me to get further and further lost in all the noise. All that “progress” and all that movement makes and creates a lot of noise. And much of it isn’t even your own.
But look, noise isn’t bad. Until it is.
Its the noise that prevents the whisp from becoming a full whisper. And it’s all that noise that prevents the whisper from being heard — let alone being understood and acted on.
And let me attest to this.
What I am finding in this era of my life is that the answers you’re looking for… they’re in the whispers.
They always have been.
You just haven’t been able to hear them through the noise. You just haven’t been able to muster the courage to act on them, because of the noise.
And make note… those answers aren’t always what you want them to be, but they are indeed the answers you need them to be.
More on whispers in another post.
All of this is to say, I’ve got one here.
A whisper of a quote and a life lesson that’s bouncing around inside.
So let’s go!…
Past is Prologue
I love history. I love reading about it. I love learning from it. I love extracting the goodness that comes along with it.
Inside history there is a reflective perspective you get as you zoom out and are able to see things in whole.
Day-to-day life affords us only slices and glimpses of chapters in progress and stories unwritten.
History unveils an entire tapestry of stories and lifetimes full of learning and understanding that can only be captured in context, at the story’s end.
Reading deeply about our founding fathers (or “Founding Brothers” as Joseph J. Ellis has written) along with the periods leading up to, during, and after the civil war, are perhaps two of my favorite areas of reading, learning, and study. Especially digging into the life and leadership of Abraham Lincoln.
In Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book, Leadership in Turbulent Times, as well as in her book, Team of Rivals, she goes into much detail regarding Lincoln’s lifelong pursuit of self-improvement. It is full of wisdom, context, and insight occurring during periods of great turmoil and triumph.
Lincoln, more than anyone else I’ve read about, had such great practices and disciplines in being better, becoming better and standing out when times are tuff and the noise is loud.
In the book “Lincoln on Leadership” by Donald T Phillips, I remember reading about one tactic that Lincoln had that I’ve never forgotten.
In fact it is one that I ended up incorporating into my own life very early in my career. It also goes right along with today’s #LifeLesson and quote from Anne Frank.
Lincoln had a practice of writing letters that were “Never signed and never delivered”.
Learning from Lincoln
Lincoln realized that great leaders, great human beings, people who wanted to make great decisions and be great for others, did so best when emotions were kept in check, not in control.
Lincoln realized that emotional self-control was essential, but emotions still needed to be felt, to flow, but then let go. This isn’t about being completely free of passion, its using emotion in proper context and not acting on emotion without purpose and control.
While everyone around Lincoln was melting down and losing their minds, Lincoln nearly always kept his outwardly disposition cool, collected, with stature and tact.
Isn’t that what we want as well?
To be able to stand out when others can barely stand up?
Here’s how it worked according to Goodwin:
When Lincoln was angry at a cabinet member, a colleague or one of his generals in the Union army, he would write a letter venting all of his pent-up rage.
Then–and this is the key–he put it aside.
Hours later or the next day, he would look at the letter again so he could “attend to the matter with a clearer eye.”
More often than not, he didn’t send the letter. We know this was Lincoln’s tactic because years after his death historians discovered a trove of letters with the notation: never sent and never signed.
Lincoln practiced this habit for three reasons.
- First, he didn’t want to inflame already heated passions.
- Second, he realized that words said in haste aren’t always clear-headed and well-considered.
- Third, he did it as a signal–a learning opportunity–for others on his now famous “team of rivals.”
So What About You?
Ever send an email you wish you wouldn’t have? 😮
How many times after a meeting, on a drive home, when going to bed, or simply well after the fact have you had a facepalm visit while thinking “I can’t believe I said that”? 🤦♂️
And then there’s Twitter, Instagram, Facebook — ever need to use the DELETE-POST function? the DELETE-COMMENT feature? Ever get to that delete key a little too late? 😬
Look, you’re not alone.
Three of the worst things that ever happened to me in my 25 year’s of leadership had to do with an email or a voice mail — sent too quickly and with too much emotion still brewing. 🤕
But here’s the thing, it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to have the emotion. You need to feel it, let it inform you, work it out and let it flow, then let it go….
Before you take action.
Never Signed, Never Delivered.
For Lincoln it met writing it down in a letter. Getting it out. Saying it, but not sending it. Then coming back later.
For you it could mean taking a walk, listening to music, going for a run, journaling it out, writing it out (save as draft please), leaning on a friend, talking it out with someone not involved, getting advice.
I’ve done every one of those suggestions above.
The point is to pause.
Patience for just a moment is gold.
As it turns out, that’s a moment that could help you avoid all kinds of crazy.
As it turns out, “Paper is more patient than people”.
Lincoln knew this well. We know it well now too.
And while I would never think to add anything to the great writings of great people who have a depth of life understanding that I am only striving for..
I guess if I could add one little tag to Ann Frank’s quote, here’s how it would read…
Paper is more patient than people, and more patient than me too. 😁
— — -
Let’s learn from others. Let’s learn from history.
Let’s pause for patience and let the emotion go.
Let’s feel the flow and hear the whisper.
Let’s let Go, then…
Let’s GO!
Jeff
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